Thoughts
by Ryu-Mizu
Summary: Three thousand years is a long time for a person to think. A very long time for someone to think about another. What kind of realizations might one come to under such conditions? What would a person go through before they finally escape? Yami Bakura knows
1. Realizations

I hope you all enjoy this fic, it's my first attempt at Yugioh fanfiction, but not my first fanfic. It's told from (Yami) Bakura's POV, and this is simply the first chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh, but I do own a cardboard duel disk I made over the summer /grins/ And this plot of course!

Warnings: Swearing, this _is_ Bakura we're listening to. And shounen-ai, Darkshipping of course, don't like don't read.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Three thousand years is a long time for a person to think. A very long time for someone to think about another. What kind of realizations might one come to under such conditions? What would a person go through before they finally escape? Yami Bakura knows the truth all too well. Darkshipping Yami/Bakura

Thoughts

By: Ryu

Chapter One: _Realizations_

It was as normal a day as any other. My hikari (1) was in control of the body, and I was sitting in here, in my soul room, reminiscing about...stuff. What kind of stuff, you may ask? Well, that question could be answered several ways in my opinion. Choice A: None of your business, dumbass. Choice B: Oh you know, stuff. Choice C: An actual explanation.

Now, knowing me as well as I do, I would have to say that on any normal occasion you would hear me answer with something along the lines of choice A. Give or take an expletive or two. But today, since I'm feeling rather bored, I will go along with Choice C for awhile.

Over the several millennia that I spent in the Shadow Realm, I had quite a bit of time on my hands. And what else did I have to do aside from dwell on the person who had sent me there? Not much, I'll tell you. And so I found myself picking apart his character, his thoughts, piece by piece. At least I had thought I had. But now that I'm out of there, I'm beginning to realize that I might have jumped to a few 'wrong' conclusion during that time. As the days went on, my hatred towards the one who had caused my village's demise grew. He had sacrificed every single soul in Kuru'Elna (2) just for the sake of the forging of the Millennium Items. Granted, it was Akunadin (3) who had actually been in power at the time, but the sins of the father were traditionally passed down to the child in that day. And so who was to blame for what I became, for the destruction of those I had loved? Atemu. The pharaoh. The bloody Pharaoh.

While he was surrounded by luxury I lived out in the cold, in the streets. I passed the days learning how to 'steal', how to gain what I needed to survive for free. I slowly moved up in rank among the thieves, and several began calling my the Thief King. And at the peak of my power, a realization hit me. I now had enough connections, enough skill to attempt to achieve my revenge. The Pharaoh, sitting on his high-and-mighty ass would pay. I began surveying the grounds around the palace, only working in the pitch black of the night. The guards new of my movements, but could never find me, and so they began calling me 'the darkness'. In a way I had truly become the darkness in mind as well. Where I once could have had a free life, living openly amongst others, I hid in the shadows, ever moving with them to avoid detection. I new of the horrors of this world.

I new of all the things that went on in the Pharaoh's lands. Of the cruelty of the human race. After years of watching as others were killed, I had eventually become a murderer myself. I had been driven into a corner, with no escape but to kill the ones who were after me. I still remember the night that I killed that first guard. I was terrified. No, don't look at me like that. I'm telling the story here, and yes, at that time I was terrified. Not necessarily something I'm proud of, but then again, what I've become now isn't exactly something I'm proud of either. I had stolen some jewelry, realizing I could exchange it easily, and then just buy the food, but I hadn't noticed the disguised guard hidden in the doorway. As I had walked off, I thought I had felt someone following me, but whenever I had turned, there was no one there aside from the pathetic citizens of Egypt going about their merry little lives.

I had not caught onto the guard following me until it was almost too late, had I not gotten defense training from one of my fellow thieves, I would not be talking to you right now. I had turned around, my dagger instantly in my hand, and with a quick slashing motion, caught the guard in the gut, the knife slicing through the fabric and flesh smoothly. I remember staring wide-eyed at the red liquid flowing easily out of the gash, the guts threatening to fall out between his fingers as he clutched at the wound. I had backed away, my heart pumping fast and adrenaline racing through my bloodstream. His face was contorted in pain, and his breathing was uneven and harsh as he collapsed to the ground. And as I looked up at him, something snapped inside me, as if another voice was talking to me. _He deserved it. You did a very good job._ The voice had been crisp and cold, and days, even weeks after, I still heard ti ringing in my head, and my mind began to twist. Yes, they did deserve it, didn't they? They all work for that filthy Pharaoh. And he deserves, so they do as well, ne?

The Pharaoh had indirectly stolen my innocence back in Egypt. Which is one problem I have with him today. His fucking cocky attitude about how he has to save the world, believe in the heart of the cards. Blah. Blah. BLAH. He says that now, but what about 3,000 years ago? What about saving me?! Why am I suddenly the bad guy?!?

I'll tell you the answer to this as well. Because I'm trying to steal his Millennium Puzzle. I'm trying to steal what should rightfully be Kuru-Elna's, considering they paid with their lives for it's creation. But just because I'm trying to get revenge, just because I've become what I have, I'm the bad guy. Tell me Yami, Pharaoh, what would you do if someone ever killed all of your friends but let you live? I know. You'd Mind Crush them, send them to the Shadow Realm, destroy their souls. You'd do SOMETHING. So why do you look upon me as filth, as the bad guy?

Now, you might retaliate to that with something like, Why do I hate you so much? Well now, that's an interesting thought. To tell you the truth, I never hated you , per se. Sure, I loathed you, who wouldn't given my position? But as I said earlier, 3,000 years is an awfully long time for a soul to think. I constantly thought about you, what other memories did I have that were of any importance? I never really had a childhood to reminisce on, I never had any friends. So I thought about you. I thought long and hard about why I loathed you, and so I began to realize that it wasn't really you're fault. Now don't think I came upon this thought quickly, it took years of struggling within myself to finally realize it, and when I did, it was difficult to swallow. I had died attempting to exact my revenge on you, for something that wasn't even your fault. As my ring passed from owner to owner I was able to view the outside world from time to time. And I learned that guilt is not rightfully passed down from parent to offspring. Which completely set you free of the blame.

At the same time it gave me no meaning in life. My teenage years were spent training to defeat you, eating so I could defeat you, et cetera. And so I set my sights on acquiring the seven Millennium items. And my mind slowly became possessed with that thought, and everything, even memories of you, was driven out of my mind. I've learned form several sources, through my hikari of course, that I was possessed by an evil being during that time, and he was the fault for my warped mind, but I'll take all the blame until he steps up to me and says it was him to my face.

Bringing up the topic of my hikari starts another question in your head doesn't it? Something along the lines of How did poor Bakura Ryou get stuck with me as a Yami? Put simply, fate. In the beginning, when I first awoke, I thought it was fate giving me my chance to collect the seven golden items that I so wished to possess. And so I had proceeded to forcefully take control of my host's body as I pleased and search for the items. I had managed to steal the Eye from it's owner, and I added it to my collection. But after that, I was unable to get anymore of them, I came _so_ close to getting the Rod, only to have the darker half of that fool Malik seal me into the Shadow Realm, again. And so I began to rethink my whole outlook on my position. Hmm...seems to me as if I can blame the majority of my problems on the Shadow Realm to tell the truth.

And so, I reached the conclusion, that quite possibly I had been given this second chance at a life to make up for my past deeds and sins, so my heart would finally be able to pass on into the afterlife. Now this might sound insane to any modern day mortal, but back in Egypt, we lived our lives preparing for what would await us in the afterlife. If one's heart was not pure enough to pass, it would be eaten by the monster Ammit (4). My heart would have gone straight to Ammut, if it had not been for the Pharaoh sealing my soul away into the Millennium Ring. And so my mind was able to logically relieve the Pharaoh of his guilt finally, and now I'm left, again, with no purpose in life, aside from dealing with my Hikari of course. He's still the girly-Aibou that he was in the beginning, but I've taken it upon myself to protect his care-free soul. If it hadn't been for outside intervention, I could have lived out my life as he is now, and I'm not going to let anyone ruin his pure soul. Which, I believe, brings me one step closer to redemption in the process.

I also earned myself the only true friend I have. I don't think Ryou could be more loyal to anyone else, I was there for him whenever he was lonely. I was there for him when he needed to cry. I never was able to soften up enough to comfort him and hold him like I'd like to, but he understands that. He's the only one that knows what I've gone through, aside from the Pharaoh that is. And instead of forgetting about it like a certain narrow-minded Egyptian I know, he accepts me for who I am. Without him, I don't think I could ever have been able to live with myself for all these years. It's been hard accepting that I lived for a lie. It's been harder for him to convince me not to just give up on what I've realized and go back to taking over the world. Or even worse yet, it's been hard for my hikari to live with me while I still let my sadistic tendencies rule my actions. And yet he still accepts me with open arms, and I find comfort in knowing that we'll most likely be stuck with each other for quite some time. Not that I'm in love with him, you morons, it's more of a deep friendship. On top of that, our souls are stuck together thanks to the Millennium Ring, which is now his as much as it is mine.

Besides, he knows the one true secret that I hold from everyone, even from the Pharaoh, whom I seldom converse with, in the disguise of Ryou. He knows who my heart belongs to.

Didn't think I had a heart did you? Well, neither did I, until the realization of my feelings hit me like a freakin' brick wall. I'll give you three guesses who it is.

Ryou? Nope, I already told you, FRIENDS. Just friends.

Anzu (5)? Nuh-uh. I might have grown less...sadistic...but I don't think I could be left in a room with her without tying and gagging her.

Malik? Well, he certainly has a nice body, I have to give him that, but he's my Hikari's obsession, and therefore off-limits.

Now, who could it be. Guess anyone else you please, and unless you happen to be an intelligent mortal (highly unlikely) the answer to all of them are no. My heart belongs to none other than the person who destroyed it so many years ago. That's right, Pharaoh-boy has stolen from me what I had not known until now that I had.

Those years in the Shadow Realm had developed a deep obsession with the crimson eyed ruler, and now that obsession has finally shown it's true colors. And so I find myself sitting here in my soul room, willing Ryou to look over at Yami, who has separated from his host and is sitting across the room form my hikari. The Pharaoh has yet again gained total control over me. This time not because he was born int a position of power whilst I was born into a destiny of peasantry and thievery. This time it is because I have pushed too far.

I spent my free time trying to figure him out, only to find that I couldn't. That he was a complete enigma to me. The only other soul who might possibly be able to remember some of our old time, and I know nothing about him. I spent time with him, pretending to be Ryou (with his permission of course) and found out that he's slowly beginning to remember his past. He's slowly beginning to remember the horrors that he committed while he was Pharaoh, and I began to realize that I felt the need to comfort him. I felt the need to hold my once-arch enemy in my arms, and tell him it was okay, that I forgave him long ago. And to confess to him these feelings that are hidden deep down below the surface of my soul.

Which is why I take over control of our body, simply telling Ryou that I need to do something. He trusts me, and I feel him slip away into his soul room to watch. I never was one to want to sit around and watch things happen around me, and so I'll take matters into my own hands. I scribble a note in hieroglyphics, this way no one will read it except Yami, and I get up out of my seat and head for the door tossing the note onto his desk, which I pass on my way up to the front desk. I tell the teacher that I'm not feeling well, and must go to the nurse's office. Before waiting for a reply I stride out the door and head for the roof of the school.

_Pharaoh,_

_This is Bakura, no don't be alarmed, I am not writing this to threaten you or your friends. I should let you know that the few times that 'Ryou' has asked you to come to our apartment and talk, it hasn't really been him. If that isn't enough reason for you to come to the roof right now and see me face to face, then I'll come back and break every bone in your body...twice._

_Bakura_

(1) The dark halves go by Yami, which means Darkness, shadow, etc, and so logically the lighter halves are called Hikari, which means light.

(2) The village that Bakura lived in, which was sacrficed to make the Millennium Items, only Bakura survived

(3) Akunadin- this is the name of Pharaoh Atemu's father. Atemu is Yami back in ancient Egypt.

(4) I believe this is the name of the beats that eats the hearts fo those unworthy of going itno the afterlife in Egyptian mythology.

(5) Tea Gardener in the American version. Her name in the original is Anzu Mazaki. Just to clear things up, I am in no way a 'Tea/Anzu-basher; I was just being mean to her in this because it's from Bakura's POV

A/N: SO there's the first chapter of my first YuGiOh fic. This is dedicated to Tanin, one of my best friends, who finally gave me the final push that it took to get me into writing for this fandom. I didn't know if I was comfortable enough with the characters to write with them yet, but I'm pretty proud of how this turned out. If you guys like this so far, please REVIEW and I'll be more than happy to post more for ya!

Oh and I'm still looking for a beta-reader, if anyone's interested, I don't think I've gotten any reviews accepting this challenge.... /sweatdrops/ so if you're interested, please say so in a review, and please don't be offended if I don't respond right away.

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Ja ne.


	2. Confessions

Ok here's chapter two, even thought no one but my good friend Hanna (lol) reviewed it....so this is dedicated to you And thank you so much for beta-ing this...ahead of time that is, considering I'm typing this for some reason before I even send this to you...oh well... On with the ficcie!

I'm posting this version now, so that I can claim that I'm not as lazy as some people think /grins/ I proof-read it as best as I could, and I'll have the beta'd version up as soon as I get it back, 'k minna-san?

Thoughts

By: Ryu

Chaopter Two: _Confessions_

(Yami's POV)

What the-? Is the first thought that comes to my mind as I read and re-read the note that Bakura-san, no the _tomb robber_, had left on top of my desk before leaving the classroom with some lame excuse. I feel my body go numb as I now stare blankly at the sheet of paper, almost hoping deep inside me that it would spontaneously combust. Sadly, all that happens is time being wasted by my stupid games.

Games. That brings back so many memories, some good and some so horrible that I wish to forget them all. Memories of Battle City, memories of the times I spent playing Shadow Games in the beginning when I didn't remember _anything_. And of times back in a land of heat and sand, of Pharaohs and ancient magic. Yes, I'm speaking of Egypt. Of my birth land, where I once reigned as Pharaoh. Now, until just recently, I had believed I had ruled as Pharaoh decently, defending the world from evil since the start.

But my dreams speak differently. Ishizu has once again given me possession of the Millennium necklace, and as I think of it now, I feel it's power stir as it sits harmlessly in the pocket of my school uniform. And with that possession I have been _gifted_ with dreams of the past. I'm not one to be so rude as to mock a gift that a friends has given me , but I feel I must make an exception in this case. This 'gift' is so much more a curse to me than anything else. Just last night I had a vision of the entire West bank of the Nile ablaze, and simply because the Pharaoh had not cared enough to awaken to give commands to attempt to fix it, I watched as many died. Another dream was of the poor status that the peasants lived in, of the horrid conditions they had been forced into working under. And do you know who that Pharaoh was that caused all of those...those...disasters?

ME.

I let hundreds of people die! I practically sent them to their graves myself! And for what?! Because I was too busy wallowing in my own pity and self-doubt, that I told them to go fuck themselves. Obviously in nicer terms, but both ways gets the same message across: 'I didn't care'. I didn't care as my citizens suffered. I didn't care as people died. I didn't care as my soldiers abused their power.

And here I am now punishing those who are evil, when at one time, I was just as wrong.

/You're being too harsh on yourself Yami/ I hear Yugi say in my mind.

Were you listening in on that, aibou?I think back, afraid that he might finally know my dark secret.

I hear a mental sigh before anything else, and then he responds /Hai, Yami. But I saw those dreams along with you./ Before I can offer a rebuttal, he continues on, /You were only 10 at the time, any child would have accidentally let those things go on. They should not have let you rule at such a young age. In current times, we aren't even allowed to get jobs until we're out of high school, and yet you had to rule a country! You're obviously forgetting that once you were old enough to rule, you.../

/Yugi! How can you say such things?! You have no idea of what it was like to live back then as one of my subjects! I can never forgive myself for it, even with all I did afterwards, and what I did in this time! On top of that, how can I forgive myself for the horrors that took place to create the very item that allows me to be here right now?/

Pause. /So that's what this is about? I thought you were freaking out about something that wasn't even your fault, just a LITTLE too much./

I sigh, both mentally and physically, /Hai, Hikari. I keep trying to find something else to get my mind off of the Items and how they were forged. But the only things that can let me get them off my mind is thinking about everything else I did back in Egypt, and eventually blowing it all out of proportion./ And of course another thing, or someone, but I can't tell Yugi that. Not yet. Not until I find out what _he_ wants.

"Sensei? I wish to go get a drink, I'm feeling a bit dizzy, may I?" I ask as I stand up behind my desk.

"Yami? Sure, just hurry back," sensei responds, before returning back to her lecture. The lecture which I'm sure is _very_ interesting, but I'll have to miss it this once. I begin to gather my bag, hoping she won't notice and question me on it, I have no plans on returning to class. I need some fresh air, and this classroom is boring as hell.

/Yami? Where are you going?/

Just to talk to a friend, do not worry, aibou. I'm gonna skip off on the rest of the school day, so I'll see you later.

I look over at him, and I can clearly see the confusion sparkling in his violet eyes. I don't blame him, I'm confusing myself right now. /Ok Yami, see you at dinner./ And with that being said, I cut off our mental link, I'm not sure where this conversation with Bakura is going, so I decide to just play it safe.

I pull the note out of my pocket, and look it over once again, "Charming as usual, Bakura," I mutter to myself in the empty hallway. I wish I could clear my mind, it would make this go much easier, but I succeeded mere seconds ago in muddling everything up, and the conversation with Yugi just reinforced my thought on the item I'm wearing around my neck right now and it's counterparts. No matter how much I try to pin my guilt on my bad job at handling my position of Pharaoh in my younger years, the pin keeps slipping back to it's rightful place, so to speak. Yugi's right, the country was too much for a boy merely 10 years old to handle, but I do feel as if I owe it to Bakura and the people of his village to bear some of the responsibility for my father's actions.

I mean, if I don't, then who will even bother to remember the pain that took place to create items that would enable the Pharaoh and his chosen advisors to wield unimaginable power? And if I don't, who will be able to pay for those sins? Whose death will finally give Bakura the satisfaction he deserves? The satisfaction that the deaths of all the people of Kuru'Elna will be repaid?

No one.

Which is why I put my mind through so much torment. All for him, for that lousy Tomb Robber. For Bakura.

As I think all this, as my mind runs through the same loops it's been going over for the past year or so, my feet take me closer and closer to my destination. I feel the cold metal of the door leading up to the roof beneath my fingers as I push it open, and I hear the resonating sounds of my shoes on the steps as I climb upwards. I experience all this as though through a filter, my mind wandering to the question of why Bakura has called me up here.

Has he finally decided to duel me again? It's been so long since he last challenged me, I'm almost beginning to think something's wrong with him, other than the usual that is. Well, I guess I'll find out soon enough, considering my fate is currently leading me right up to the door that separates us. And it's forcing me to open the door and step through. Then again, maybe there is no such thing as fate, but now's not the time to question my outlook on life, at least I think.

There he is, his back turned to me, his white hair hanging loosely over the school uniform, the normal spikes sticking out every which way, as they normally do when the darker side is in control. "Nice of you to finally join me Pharaoh," I hear him say clearly, despite how far away he is. Not that he yelled it or anything, he just has a way of making people realize he's there and of making people listen. Of making people look at him, into his dark brown eyes, eyes that were once crimson and that could stop a person's heart with their intensity.

But now, as he turns around and steps towards me, I find myself looking into his eyes, not from their intensity, but from something else. Something familiar, but I can't quite place a word for it. "Well, are you gonna say something, or should I go over there and carry on a conversation with that wall instead?" he demands impatiently, as he stops a few feet away from me, his arms crossed.

"I-....I'm sorry Bakura," I stutter, not too sure of what I was saying, until it was already said. I gaze down at my feet, not wanting to meet his eyes. "If you wish to challenge me to a duel now to finally reap your revenge, I shall do nothing to stop you from claiming victory. I deserve to die for what I did, I-"

"Shut up." My head snaps up, and I gaze at his face, trying to figure out why he stopped me. He should have been gloating in my defeat. "And what did you do that makes you deserve a death by my hands?"

"Kuru'Elna..." I state simply, knowing very well that he knows where that thought is going.

"Was not your fault, Pharaoh," he states just as simply. "I've had a long time to think about you, about _it_. And during that long time I've come to many different conclusions, many of which were born simply from my utter and absolute hatred towards you." He sits down, leaning up against the wall right next to the door, his hands resting behind is head.

"And...?"

"And I was wrong, ok Pharaoh? For three freaking thousand years, I thought about you, and thought about you. That's long enough to drive me to insanity, and that's exactly what it did. I've become a killer, I've developed a decidedly sadomasochistic streak, and I'm everyone's worst enemy. And y'know what the worst part is...?" He looks up at me, his bangs falling away from his face to show his eyes gazing upon me with such intensity that I nearly back up a step.

"The worst part is that everyone thinks I'm the bad guy, everyone thinks I'm the sinner, the one in the wrong, and yet, it's not my fault.

"And what really irks me is that, the only person who could possibly understand any of this, doesn't seem to care enough to listen to me. All he did was prance around with his 'Aibou' and save the world. Give speeches about the heart of the cards, and that was it. Nothing on his conscience about my past. No thoughts in his mind about me, and yet he's all I thought about, he's all I think about, he's all I'll ever think about. Because I want him to be MINE. And do you know who that person is, Pharaoh?" he finishes, a half-smirk, half-grin plastered on his face, almost taunting me to answer him.

I assume that my puzzled look is enough of an answer for him, since he gets up and takes a few steps towards me, and stops with our noses barely inches apart. "You might know him, his name's Yami," he whispers to me, before pushing me up against the wall and claiming my mouth roughly.

My eyes slid shut, and I feel his body pressed up tightly against mine. One of his hands snakes it's way around my waist and the other wraps itself in my tangled hair. As his hand slides up my shirt, I can't help but let a deep moan escape my throat, and I feel him smirk against my lips. He licks my lips slowly, then pushes his tongue past them, and I open my mouth eagerly, accepting his tongue. I wrap my own arms around his shoulders and around his neck, enjoying the feel of his silky hair between my fingers.

For moments that seem like minutes this goes on, before either of us begins to realize exactly how far we're going with this, with what probably just started out as a kiss, but was starting to become more. He pulls away first, seeing as I'm pressed against the wall, and for the first time I realize that somehow we had both slid to the ground, and he was leaning over me, his hair falling around us.

He looks at me before whispering harshly, "You have no clue how long I've wished to know what kissing you would feel like, Yami."

All I can do for a second is sit here and soak in what just happened. I came up here expecting a duel to the death, and instead I got my first kiss?! "W-What was that?"

"A kiss, dumbass."

"No, I meant, why...why did you kiss me?"

"I told you, you're all I ever think about nowadays. I've been pretending to be Ryou just so I could talk to you. I guess you could say you're my obsession," he replies, smirking down at me. "But don't expect me to act this way often, I've just been doing a little too much reminiscing today."

I smirk back, some of my old confidence already seeping back into my mind, "Well then, I guess I should take advantage of that, ne?" I lean up to capture his lips in mine once more, but he pulls back, stopping me.

"Yami, do you...do you love me back? Or is this just a physical attraction?"

"Bakura, koi, I love you. I might not have known what the feelings I had for you were called in the beginning, but now I realize that my heart belongs to you." I lean up and gently capture his lips in mine. A chaste kiss to show him, to some extent at least, how I felt. _I only wish I knew exactly how he felt for me..._ _Does Bakura truly know how to love someone? Or is this just friendship, and he doesn't realize it?_

It's definitely deeper than friendship, Yami-kun. I won't say this out loud, Ever, so listen carefully. I...I Love you. If you said so, I believe I would even kill myself. I hate being this weak, I hate having someone else have this much control over my life. But in a way, I think it's ok if it's you, Pharaoh.

Wha-? How did y-Before I have a chance to finish the thought he explains.

That one day when Ryou gave your Hikari the pieces of the Puzzle, I inserted a piece of my soul into one of them, originally so I could get the puzzle from you, but it seems it allows me to talk to you this way. Convenient, ne? Without out it, I might just always have to act like and speak like a bastard to you in public. Now I can do that outwardly, and inwardly say stuff quite the opposite.I swear, I feel a mental smirk as he says that.

He leans over again, this time kissing my forehead softly, and then resting his head against my chest. I play with a few stray locks of his hair absentmindedly, wondering at this strange turn of events.....

Ok...that's the end of the chap an extra page longer than my usual chapter length Hope you enjoyed it! Not many more comments to add other than that, and PLEASE REVIEW THIS! I was hoping fo rmore than one review...but I'll be happy if you guys so much as leave a review to say you read this, just so I know more than one person is reading this! /grins/ Til next time everyone!

And note that there will be a next chapter, I just hafta figure out what to do with it. Ideas are welcomed if you have something you'd like to suggest.


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